Stories from the Kingdom of Klah

While out foraging for snizzleberries last week, Hetty Hobnob, a reporter from the Klah Gazette, witnessed a tree decide it was destined for more in life than sitting around hearing tales of the skies from the beaks of birds. She managed a brief interview as it sailed past:

Klah Gazette: This is an important moment in your life. How are you feeling?

Tree: Uplifted, uprooted, excited, and many other three syllable words that I don’t have time for right now.

Klah Gazette: Do you have any advice for those that might follow in your rootsteps?

Tree: Pack snacks and warm socks, these are my only regrets.

And with these wise words it became a speck in the sky of destiny.  

– Hetty Hobnob for The Klah Gazette

Bridge of Epiphanies, central Klah. This seemingly unremarkable bridge is the location of the highest number of recorded epiphanies in Klah. Many famous discoveries have occurred here, including the realisation of the young Horatio Trotgood that he could actually be Prime Minister, even though he was a goat. These days the bridge is much busier, as authors with writer's block, bewildered scientists and frustrated musicians pilgrimage to it in the hope of inspiration - a little harder now that you have to wait your turn.

Here is a fine example of the Wobbulus clouds specific to the island of Klah. Like the death of a star, or the falling of a rheumatoid tree, sometimes ancient Wobbuli wobble themselves into small implosions that rain a strange and very drinkeable juice down into the land. Many residents with a fondness for the (by nature rare) Wobbuli juice attach large funnels to their roofs, and small family battles have been known to have been fought over collected supplies.

Edgar came across the accordion in a park. The park was strange and mysterious; the trees did not move in time with the wind, nor the light with the sun. Certain leaves were seen to glint of their own accord, one after the other, and it was suspected they were sending coded messages - about what no one could ever quite be sure, other than that the whole business was strange and mysterious.

Therefore Edgar wasn’t particularly surprised when he tripped over the accordion, partly as his toes were very large and he tripped over a lot, and partly because the park was so peculiar. He was slightly more surprised to pick up the accordion, and, after only three dud notes, find himself playing wondrous songs he had never heard before - especially as he had been told (frequently) that he had the musical ability of a goat with no ears.

He sang always the same words, but somehow different things began to happen to the people who listened.

One woman grew a tremendously large nose, which Edgar felt terrible about until he discovered she then went off to make her fortune as a famous moustache model.

An old man who stopped to listen suddenly developed superb hearing in his elbow and became a highly successful spy, casually leaning against walls and surrepticiously recording surreptitious conversations.

A third listener, a young lady, grew a dense layer of fur over her body, which enabled her to continue living in a mountain cave whilst she finished her best-selling book, “Culinary Skills and Table Manners of Yetis.”

The accordion became known as the Accordion of Unexpected Fortunes, and Edgar and his accordion, rather unexpectedly, and most fortuitously, quickly became sought after.

A rare photo of the Royal Master Artist, and a less rare photo of a ham sandwich, because this particular ham sandwich is famous throughout Klah and is featured in many homes, magazines and history books.

The sandwich, commonly known as Ham-Sam the Saviour, began its life as a lowly packed lunch in the rucksack of Lady Maureen Goggins, the Hot Air Balloon pilot given the important job of transporting the last pair of endangered Dancing Caterpillars (a source of national joy) to a safer home. While crossing the Peaks of Despair, calamity struck when a Gang of Hairy Eagles attacked, puncturing the Balloon.