Stories from the Kingdom of Klah

The native sealhog of Klah, who spends his nights snoring so loudly other forest creatures are forced to migrate great distances, and spends his days crashing loudly through the undergrowth, screaming and squealing like a deranged smoke alarm, has been nominated in the "Noisiest Creature in Klah" competition. The sealhog is normally found romping around in seaside forests, and many of those who live in these areas have been forced to erect sealhog-proof fences around their properties, covered in sponges and bits of foam to absorb the racket. You would think, with all this excessive clatter that the sealhog could not possibly manage to catch any prey and that the species should surely have starved to death long ago, but in fact, due to the amount of time his mouth is gaping wide open, a surprising amount of flying grubs and fish find their way into his cavernous mouth.

The Noisiest Creature in Klah competition ends May 7th and the winner will receive a powerful megaphone.

Before the royal family befriended a herd of silver-horned-buffalo to carry them into town, they used a roller coaster which left straight from the palace dining room. Often they would leap into it on a whim and could be seen flying through town with chicken drumsticks still clutched in their hands and food bibs tied around their royal necks. Now the roller coaster lies abandoned, used only by Prince Eugene to practice his handstands.

Historic picture of a Crabbis kapow, the native Klahtian crab that spontaneously explodes when excited. This image (courtesy of the Klah archives) is believed to have been taken on July 15th 1909, the day that crabs received the vote. Predictably, after this exciting announcement many were unable to participate, and the day remains both a celebration and a national disaster for the Crabbis Kapow.

Children in Tonkleham waiting for the Merman's Underwater Circus. The circus causes great excitement wherever it travels, and local land children don suits that enable them to breathe underwater - not like the scuba diving suits you may be familiar with, but actual 3 piece dinner suits that not only make them look swizzlingly important, but function like a set of gills. These children are particularly excited because the underwater circus has recently obtained a new star, the highly acclaimed Fire-Breathing Porpoise, who not only breathes fire underwater (which is surely hard enough), but is said to simultaneously darn socks for members of the crowd - an extraordinary feat when you consider she has flippers for hands. Citizens, if you are in Tonkleham next weekend - particularly if you have socks* that resemble colanders - be sure to check out the famous underwater circus.

*socks should ideally not be of flammable material

The Great Nose of Okia Bay, South Klah. Officials are officially unsure why this sandy cliff grew a hefty nose, but they have established it is allergic to boring outfits, so citizens, Kingdom of Klah threads only if you visit Okia Bay - unless you want to find yourself with sand in more bodily crevasses than you knew you had.

Stories from the Kingdom of Klah

Native Sealhog nominated for NCIK

The Rollercoaster Formally Used For Royal Transportation

The National Day of Crabbis Kapow

The Merman's Underwater Circus

The Great Nose of Okia Bay