Frederick the Friendless
Some people long for velvet pantaloons or matching silverware, others long for luxurious beards or magnificent opera voices. Frederick longed for friends. He didn’t mind if they had stumpy fingers or made fruit cakes that tasted like camel hooves, as long as he had someone to share popcorn with at the movies, or laugh with him when he tripped over in public. At night he often dreamt of riding on a seesaw, of sailing through the air with someone actually on the other end. He tried making a sign out of macaroni and glitter and putting it up at the grocery store. He tried joining three different martial arts clubs and a pottery class for good measure. Nothing seemed to work. He took to leaping out of the water at people on boats and making a roaring noise to attract them. The people screamed back and drove away, but he knew he was on the right track, he just needed to leap faster and roar louder and people would love him. He’d seen dolphins do it.