Stories from the Kingdom of Klah

Flags signifying the entrance to the esteemed and eccentric Captain Bibblekins' home, which consists of a series of overturned, empty turtle shells that serve as cots. The shells are enormous and lined with a variety of materials ranging from plush velvet cushions to the captains old, unwearable socks, and as guests are often invited to stay for a few days it is recommended to visit in very small groups or to bring your own bedding. Although now retired, Capt. Bibblekins is still unmatched in both his sailing skills and colourful tattoos, the most controversial of which depicts a large octopus wearing a skimpy bathing suit and waltzing with the King of Klah, who is also wearing a skimpy bathing suit. Captain Bibblekins and his home are a must visit attraction if you are visiting the East Coast of Snortleham.

In 1903 these mysterious filing cabinets were unearthed from the ruins of an abandoned estate and gifted to the National Museum of Klah. At first they were stored in the back room as part of the Rather Dull But Potentially Historical Collection, where approximately 6 visitors went a year, and 5 of those were normally lost and looking for the bathroom. However, in 1906, a young and enthusiastic cleaner by the name of Hankel opened one of the drawers and discovered a piece of paper with fresh gold ink, which read:

Our dearest Hankel

You have a Glorious Heart.

Those Overalls

Really Bring out the Colour

In your Eyes.

Once he had finished blushing, he thought to open the other drawer, where he found several small bottles with labels such as “Hankel’s Ravishing Relish”, “Hankel’s Finest Tom. Sauce” and “Chutney de Hankel”. The Mysterious Filing Cabinets of Compliments and Condiments are now displayed in the foyer to the Museum, where there is always a queue of people wanting personalized compliments and/or condiments. If you do make it to Terbiak, where the Museum is located, the cabinets are well worth the visit.

The Island of Hats (Garment Isles, West Sea) has once again been voted "Most Hatty Place in the World", an achievement the Kingdom is immensely proud of. The competition was tough, but judges noted that not only is the Island itself hat shaped, a family of hats has been living there for generations, producing and selling beret-bread, sombrero cakes and fedora milk. Also of relevance were the large boaters the family use to transport their goods to the mainland.

Klah House & Garden is excited to announce this month’s special is on the never-before-seen Lair of Snazzlerazz the Terrible.  As many readers will know, Snazzlerazz the Terrible has for centuries lived in a deep cave in the North of Klah, luring unsuspecting hedgehogs into his lair by making the cry of a wounded snail, and then devouring them whole.

Are you familiar with the Beetle of Excitement? As you can see, it has many wings, and soars higher than many birds. What a lucky beetle! Such exciting views!  Unfortunately, this enthusiastic creature also has a tendency to get over excited and in a peculiar twist of nature, this causes it to faint, and drop from the sky.  These days many Beetles choose to wear platform shoes made of cushions for a softer landing  (and equally, residents of Beetle prone areas choose to wear large padded hats).

In times of particularly exciting events, such as the last National Towel Folding Championships when a competitor secretly pre-dampened other competitors towels, befuddling their techniques and resulting in mass rioting throughout Klah, by which I mean several eggs were thrown and somebody lost a hat, preparations are also made for over excited beetles - safety nets are strung up, animal horns are decorated with tennis balls, and prickly bushes don their Special Occasion Excitement Cloaks. This is possibly where the famous Klah ballad comes from:

Should you ever see a bush wearing a coat! Get out your padded hat!